If only I could have one day in my life.... that were to be unfettered by the restraints of life... one day to do the things I want without thinking about the consequences... what would I do???
I don't know at all... I'd go up to bertie and tell him I liked him? not very likely.... or maybe I would... this is, after all, the freedom of being able to do what I want without fearing the consequences... but I realise that freedom is scary... that I can throw so much away with a single sentence, or word, to seal my life... That is, as I've realised, the immaturity of my very self: to cower from responsibility, to want to run and hide and let things lie when problems occur. Can I, indeed, be fit to be in any commitment or relationship? or, when it comes down to that, president of College Publications? I don't know how I'll do.... what will become of me if I become president. All I want is to not scramble and mess up other people's lives as much as possible. I just want my world to continue as it has... again, immaturity. I just want to be myself... to be a person that stays away from the limelight... but can I do that?
I thought by having a personal blog, one which no one could see, I could vent my frustrations, and order my mind... yet I find I cannot... I find myself unable to face the realities I type... and that, in itself, scares me: am I truly that weak?
I don't know at all... I'd go up to bertie and tell him I liked him? not very likely.... or maybe I would... this is, after all, the freedom of being able to do what I want without fearing the consequences... but I realise that freedom is scary... that I can throw so much away with a single sentence, or word, to seal my life... That is, as I've realised, the immaturity of my very self: to cower from responsibility, to want to run and hide and let things lie when problems occur. Can I, indeed, be fit to be in any commitment or relationship? or, when it comes down to that, president of College Publications? I don't know how I'll do.... what will become of me if I become president. All I want is to not scramble and mess up other people's lives as much as possible. I just want my world to continue as it has... again, immaturity. I just want to be myself... to be a person that stays away from the limelight... but can I do that?
I thought by having a personal blog, one which no one could see, I could vent my frustrations, and order my mind... yet I find I cannot... I find myself unable to face the realities I type... and that, in itself, scares me: am I truly that weak?
