I thought I knew him... but I never knew how shallow our relationship was... I don't blame him... I was the one who said yes to a relationship and yes when we broke up... and now.... I hurt at first because to some degree, I really loved him. I did... and now, I hurt, because I couldn't see who he really was... the one I fell for and wanted to go out with isn't the same person who's just complaining about how things are in his life.... and I feel pissed off about him... because he bloody well asked for what he got... I don't know what got into him... what went wrong... if I did anything to him... and now it hurts so much more because I think I still like him... and he doesn't know... probably won't care...
I don't want to bitch about him... but what I want to say about him is terrible... maybe hypocritical... shallow.... and shows the true colours of our relationship... for now... that's all I can say... he couldn't understand how I tried to meet him everytime I could... how I wanted to please him and keep from losing myself... I guess it was better for us when we ended our relationship... I'm sad for him... he's trying to do something... but I doubt he has any direction he wants his life to take...I don't know if I want to believe the stories I've heard about Kenny... I don't want to lose what little joy from my memory of him...

dear Dairy,

I feel so lost today
I need help, but it seems so far away.

There is a sea surrounding me
of people, sights and sounds
with whom I can't be me

dear Diary,

I lost myself today
I need to find me quickly, but I can't see the way

Too many people want so much from me,
so much, too fast,
why can't they let me be?

But you can't see, can you?
You don't live or breathe
You bear the secret silence
That allows me to be me
Why can't you help me, diary?
I need help right away
and there's no one to turn to
except a blank white page

dear Diary,

I need help right now
but the question is
how?