there has got to be more than life to this. I know I'm putting all my fun on hold, till after the A levels. I know that I should be studying now or doing work, but there has to be more. I can't just sit down every night and think about nothing but work, studying, or just sitting own in front of the computer wanting to see him online. I'm scared. It's more of an addiction for me, a need to talk to someone, and somehow, he being alwasy online, talking to me has seemed to create the only thing I look forward to everyday. What is wrong with me? He is a friend, but not one that I should be thinking about in any kind of way. I think it's the increasing isolation I somehow feel when I'm with real life people. Somehow I don't know how to talk to people who will actually listen and I find myself trying even more to please somebody I rarely meet in real life. It's scary, how I seem to want it. Scary, scary. Personality disorder or just psychological? Either way it's not good. I've lost the ability to communicate to anyone about things other than studies. I'm afraid I'm losing my mind.
I try to rely on myself for the answers to everything I'm facing right now, but it's difficult when all I have is my own reasoning. Am I going too far? When on earth does it stop? I need to feel real again andI can't.