I'm confused... the past few days I've been trying to get Alex, but he hasn't picked up his phone... guess I should have been a bit more persistent in calling him... are we growing apart now? is the relationship failing? maybe I shouldn't have brushed off going to sentosa with him even if it was with his pre u sem grp and I didn't know anyone... and what really hurt me was that he's got problems of his own... and he wrote it on his blog... and it seems that everyone's been offering comments and comfort... everyone except me... maybe it's my fault... I should have tried to make the effort to go on a date with him and I didn't... I miss Alex... I miss talking to him and seeing him... and right now... I have no idea where we're headed at all...

So scraed now... I don't know where we're headed... is anything the way its supposed to seem? Alex and I found our relationship easy and wonderful... something deeper than friendship... now that I told my mum, she made me ask for more... and I don't want more... just this... was fine... is still fine, I guess... when I asked him if he could have waited, he told me not to ask him that cos he didn't want to think about it and that it hurt.... didn't he know that it hurt too? I don't know why I asked it... it only confirmed what my mum said... and I didn't want that... aching... hurting... confused... I love him... do I love him enough to give him up??? I wish someone could just help me?

Alex my darling, I love you... if I don't, then I care for you more deeply than I've ever cared before... never think otherwise... I just need something more and something slower now... just give me time...